On Meaning Making and Toxic Positivity

The concept of meaning making, of finding meaning and purpose in the events of our lives, is more complex than it might sound.

Finding meaning in difficult times can allow us to use struggle as growth material. We can see highlighted in front of us how we can be more present, more tolerant, more radically accepting. You may even know someone who has experienced tremendous hardship and came out more loving and compassionate. 

But to have meaning making thrust upon someone before they are ready can be invalidating. You may see it when someone dies, and others say to them “well, they are at peace now,” or “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle,” or “everything happens for a reason.” This is toxic positivity. According to McKenna Princing, toxic positivity “involves dismissing negative emotions and responding to distress with false reassurances rather than empathy.” 

For someone to come to these realizations and understandings on their own may be a strength and a comfort. But when the meaning making process is rushed, it can feel like there isn’t enough space to just let the hurt be.

Finding this balance in therapy is a particular area of my focus. I intentionally spend time validating the pain - staying in the phase of “this sucks” for just long enough. And then, we explore together your perspectives on meaning making. Do you think things happen for a reason? What does your faith and/or spirituality say about struggle? Do you think what’s happening might have a purpose? 

And when folks aren’t ready to make meaning - that’s okay. Sometimes there isn’t a meaning. Sometimes terrible things happen for no reason. And we can process that too.